“How to be happy”- the skill that no one taught you

Next destination: positivity

A few days ago, I had an awesome conversation with an awesome friend- a bit like all the other awesome conversations I’ve been having lately- but this one ranked a little higher on the scale of awesomeness. & I’ll tell you why; because it helped me come to the realization that, given the choice, I’d rather be stupid and happy than brilliant and miserable. & I’ve thought about this idea everyday since…

I’d like you to take a moment and think about all the minutes, hours and days you’ve spent being “happy”. Not just mediocre happy, instead think kid-in-a-candy-shop-happy. Or if you’re anything like me, then post-yoga-session-endorphins-happy. No seriously, close your eyes and really think about it.

Because those are the only moments you’ve truly lived your life!

I often get asked how I’m keeping THIS happy at the moment, or to quote a popular book, how/when I learnt the subtle art of not giving a f*ck. You see, the answer was rather straightforward and simple, like most things are, before this machine gets involved that likes to work overtime without extra pay & decides to complicate things. (We call that machine the human mind by the way)

The secret sauce that went behind achieving this mindset of moment to moment happiness was when I realized I didn’t need to change the world to be happy. (Trigger warning: crazy talk incoming…) You see, that’s when it dawned upon me that the world outside me was pretty freaking incredible anyway! It was the world inside me that needed the damage control.

According to an ancient Hindu legend, there was once a time when all human beings were ecstatically happy. But they misused this happiness. So Lord Brahma (believed to be the creator of the universe) decided he would take away this power and (reasonably) hide it in a place so sacred that only the virtuous could find it. He debated over the safest spot for this treasured belonging; to bury it deep within the earth, sink it into the oceans or soar it high in the skies… but he was wary that evolving human efforts in science and technology would eventually find it. So Lord Brahma decided to hide it where man would never think to look… deep within themselves.

Well clearly he was right. Ever since, we seem to be finding the most efficient thermometer to measure happiness. Heck, we’ve even gone as far as creating economic indicators known as The Happiness Index, surveying various countries to determine which is the happiest of them all (Denmark is currently leading the charts by the way) and authoring books and blog articles (such as this one) in an attempt to compile a foolproof universally accepted “Dummies Guide to Happiness.”

But since we’re on the subject, here’s what helped me get out of my own head-

Step 1: Stop feeding yourself expectations for breakfast. The single unsurpassed means of making yourself unhappy is weaving ideas, potentials and imaginary scenarios in your own mind. & if I grew a brain cell for everytime someone on Instagram quoted “expectations lead to disappointments”, I would’ve invented a cure for covid-19 already… When you stop inducing the could’ve, would’ve, should’ve thinking mentality onto your life, you give yourself permission to embrace what really IS, because the world outside will always short in competing with the world inside.

Step 2: Stop postponing your life: its happening now, not in what has been and not in what will be. I think we’re all guilty of this. How often do you tell yourself, I’ll be happy when* I get that promotion, when I lose those 5 extra kilos, when I graduate, find my soulmate and get married/ get a divorce/ have children,etc etc (*insert the excuse you’ve been using to delay your life here). My yoga teacher often said, “The past is tears; the future is fears; there’s a reason today is called the ‘present’” and that really hit home for me.

Step 3: Choose happiness! I think we often forget that happiness isn’t a destination. Neither a journey. It’s a state of mind. & if there’s even a slight amount of truth in saying so, it means you have the power to induce your own happy hormones. What if I told you, you can realistically talk yourself into a better mind frame and mood? For instance, you couldve lost your job during the pandemic and written off yourself for being doomed, or you could see it as an opportunity to finally work on the business plan you started working on 3 years ago. A large extent of our situational assessment comes from our own self talk! There’s a reason the glass half empty-half full argument is quoted so often. An oldie but a goodie!

Step 4: Create constant happiness. Choosing happiness isn’t enough, you must choose it consciously, constantly & creatively. Creativity is a gift- anything that was ever created began with a thought. A creative thought. & if these thoughts could materialise into phenomenal inventions like the telephone, aircrafts and cutting edge assembly lines, wouldn’t you agree they had the power to create a fulfilling life and peaceful mind?

If you are pleased with some aspects of your life, bringing attention to these and magnifying thoughts that associate with them will inevitably make you feel more positive and happy. What you think, you have the power to become. If you think happy, you can become happy.

Be positive always, in all ways…